i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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