i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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