It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
