Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
