I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
