what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
