I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize