Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
