so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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