hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
