Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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