There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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