I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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