I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Randomize
