"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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