It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
