i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
