chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
