You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
