I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
