I wish i was in the wii world.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
