i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
