that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
