Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
