I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
This is classic penis vs brain.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
