Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You need a sexual gate keeper
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
