He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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