just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
