bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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