someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
