Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
