I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
