i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
