Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
