im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
