thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
