I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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