Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
