drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
