Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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