All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
