Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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