Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
