I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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