i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
