after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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