I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
