i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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