My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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