can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
