I just saw a hot homeless man
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
