this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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