OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
