woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
