He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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