i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
