You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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