He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
