Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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