I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
