I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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