i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize