are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize