This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
bring money and cleavage
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
