Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
