K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
