I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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