he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
