lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Randomize
