I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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