in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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