Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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